Look, Casanova, you've got it wrong.

Secret: I looked up how to spell "Casanova" to make sure I got it right.

It's much warmer than I'd anticipated today, which makes me think of defied expectations and some kind of unexpectedness.

Back to the title thought: it strikes me sometimes how desperately blind we can be when we are simultaneously desirous and afraid. I finally got back on good terms with s., not because of working things out but because I came to understand that I had been right about her- about her confusion and how divided she is. Truth is, she's terrified of being lonely. I can't resent her for her behaviour. I have to be honest and even.

Although I will continue to make bad puns in her presence just to bother her. Girl needs to be annoyed every now and then.

And then I was wrong, too. Desirous and scared. It's been just over a month since ------- and I started to think that I was being punished. I was growing number and colder to the touch every time, and it began to make me feel like a vessel. More than that, it made me feel like I was supposed to be one. Like I deserved it.

This can't be blamed on d. I don't mean to say he misused me in anyway or didn't try. If anyone behaved poorly it was I.

There I was, still blaming myself. And then, just hours after the worst of it, he proved me wrong again.
Smart bastard. He's always right. It's probably why I love him so particularly much.

And now I'm walking to meet someone else who might have been wrong, might have been misled.


Why do we make the same mistakes, or at least get caught in the same situations, over and over? Are we all idiots?

And why did I made the mistake of wearing a skirt that makes me look like a schoolmarm? Is it because I use words like "schoolmarm?"